Namekimania 2011/Transcript
DISCLAIMER RECOOME: The following is a non-profit fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release. (cuts to Namek where Vegeta had just executed Guldo from the previous episode) GOHAN: You really saved us, Vegeta. KRILLIN: Yeah... You totally pulled our butts out of the fire there. Really showed that Team Three Star spirit...! VEGETA: They'll never find your body... GOHAN: I feel a little sorry for those guys. They just lost their teammate. They must be devastated. JEICE: So... when was the last time you had to.. you know? RECOOME: Three weeks. JEICE: Bloody hell! Three weeks? BURTER: I did it on the trip here. RECOOME: Recoome didn’t even have enough room in his pod. JEICE: (notices Guldo's corpse) Oy...! Oy, is that Guldo over there? Is he dead? RECOOME: How tragic... (short pause) BURTER: (extremely quickly) Not telling the captain! 1-2-3, not it! RECOOME: Not it! JEICE: Not it... Aww, wankers... GINYU TOKUSENTAI!!" OPENING SEQUENCE (cuts to Vegeta staring at Recoome, who is the next in line to fight Vegeta) VEGETA: So, are we gonna do this or wha-- RECOOME: HIT... RECOOOOOME'S MUSIC! ("Hangarmageddon" by Evil Horde starts playing) RECOOME: Vegeta, you think that just because you're the Prince of all Saiyans you're the best there is at what you do... But let Recoome tell you something, brother: you ain't no Wolverine! And you ain't got what it takes to step up to a five... time... champion! VEGETA: Champion of what? JEICE: This fight right here is gonna be a bloomin' slobberknocker it is. BURTER: You can just feel the intensity! VEGETA: Who are you talking to? BURTER: The audience. JEICE: We're doing commentary, mate. RECOOME: You see, Vegeta, you sit here and brag about how the Saiyans are the mightiest warriors in all the universe; how they're the most ruthless. Well, look at where they are now: DEAD! You talk about your legends, and your warrior race, and your pride, but that doesn't mean a damn thing to this man! Because the name's Recoome, and it rhymes with doom, and you're gonna be hurting... all... too... SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON! (does a fighting pose, accompanied by the audience cheering, which dies down as the camera cuts to Krillin and Gohan, shown to be terrified, and Vegeta, who continues to glare at Recoome) VEGETA: (narrowing his eyes) Wrestling’s fake. (the audience starts booing, with a slight embrance of "you su-diddly-uck" being heard) Oh, go to Hell, all of you! And if it means getting this damn thing over with, then I'm just going to have to kill your ass! Now hit... MY music! ("Step Into The Grand Tour" from DragonBall GT starts playing) Oh, the f**k with this! (powers up and charges at Recoome, punching him into a mountain, removing his scouter in the process, and then charges up two energy blasts on each hand) SUCK IT, JABRONI! (Vegeta puts both energy blasts in front of himself and fires it at Recoome, causing a huge explosion. Krillin and Gohan are seen ducking their heads due to the magnitude of the attack. The smoke eventually clears out.) VEGETA: Well... everything went better than expected-- RECOOME: (does a pose while slightly scathed, having lost his armor) You talking more smack, Vegeta? VEGETA: What?! How could you possibly get up after a hit like that?! RECOOME: Silly Vegeta, The only thing Recoome sells... is merchandise! (a bunch of Recoome-themed merchandise pops up on the screen, including a pixelated Recoome-vibrator, which starts vibrating) JEICE: Oy, Burter, bet you Recoome don't even leave a body. BURTER: Please... you already owe me a space soda from our last bet. JEICE: Well, you still owe me a space burger from the one before that. (cuts to a Spacey's food commercial) COMMERCIAL ANNOUNCER: And where can you find all this spectacular space food? At Spacey's. Now with our new Raditz Menu. Spacey's. It's good food, in space. (cuts to Captain Ginyu delivering all seven Dragon Balls to Frieza) CAPTAIN GINYU: And one more makes seven! FRIEZA: Ahh, Ginyu, I should have called you from the beginning. CAPTAIN GINYU: Thank you, sir. Now, in celebration, I shall commence the Dance of Joy! FRIEZA: Oh, no, no, that won't be necessary. CAPTAIN GINYU: It is entirely necessary! FRIEZA: (desperately trying to avoid watching Ginyu's dance) Ah, no, really... you don't have to-- CAPTAIN GINYU: Actually, I do. I am contractually obligated under your father to dance the Dance of Joy post every successful mission. FRIEZA: Ugh... Proceed... (Captain Ginyu starts dancing) (cuts back "NAMEKIMANIA 2011" showing two monitors on the screen, the upper left one showing a recap of Reccome preparing an attack while the bottom right one showing Vegeta attacking Recoome, the latter blocking out all the former's punches and kicks) JEICE: And we're back, mates! BURTER: While you were gone, Recoome caught Vegeta off-guard with his patented Recoome Knee. (Recoome is shown kneeing Vegeta in the face on the upper left monitor. The monitor at the bottom right expands onto the screen.) JEICE: It was absolutely devastating, Burter! And now he's back on the offensive. But, he can't seem to land a single hit! RECOOME: Recoome... ELBOW! (elbows Vegeta into a lake below) JEICE: Ohh, and Recoome follows up with a vicious Recoome Elbow! BURTER: It looks like Recoome is just too fast for Vegeta, and that’s coming from the fastest guy in the universe! JEICE: ...Not really relevant, Burter. (cuts to Captain Ginyu continuing the Dance of Joy) CAPTAIN GINYU: (finishes his dance) And that ends the Dance of Joy. FRIEZA: (relived) Uggh... thank God. Now, lets wish me some immortality. CAPTAIN GINYU: Not quite yet, Lord Frieza. Lastly, I must complete the "Daddy's Little Princess" dance. FRIEZA: My father would command no such thing! CAPTAIN GINYU: You are correct, Lord Frieza. FRIEZA: Very well... CAPTAIN GINYU: It was your brother. FRIEZA: (lets out a frustrated yell) (cuts back to "NAMEKIMANIA 2011", once again showing two monitors on the screen) JEICE: And we're back with the fight! BURTER: Here's what you missed! (the monitor at the bottom right expands at the screen and Vegeta is still in the water) JEICE: Boy, did we time that commercial right or what? (Vegeta burst out of the water and double punches Recoome in the stomach) BURTER: Ohhh, sneak attack from Vegeta! JEICE: But it looks like it didn’t do jack s**t! (Recoome smirks before grabbing Vegeta and lifts him over his head) BURTER: Wait! He's setting up the... (Recoome and Vegeta plummet towards the ground) VEGETA: AAAAAAAAHH! JEICE: PILE DRIVER! PILE DRIVER! (Recoome slams Vegeta onto the ground. Vegeta is seen implanted on the ground, face first. Recoome chuckles and plucks Vegeta from the ground) KRILLIN: Hey! Hey Gohan, look! He picked Vegeta... like a-- GOHAN: Like a vegetable, yes. KRILLIN: Ha! RECOOME: You see, Vegeta. You don't seem to comprehend where you stand right here. Because the name's Recoo-- VEGETA: RHAA! (blasts Recoome right in the face, knocking him down and freeing himself) BURTER: Oh, look at that! JEICE: He might have just taken Recoome's bleedin' head off! This would be a huge loss for sport entertainment! RECOOME: (quickly jumps back on his feet) As Recoome was sayin'... the name's Recoome... it rhymes with doom... and you're gonna be hurtin' all... too... SOOOON! (does another battle pose) BURTER: He's setting up for the Recoome Eraser Gun! JEICE: This is vintage Recoome right here! RECOOME: Recooooome... Eraserrrrr... (puts both his hands above his head) (Vegeta is seen panting, too exhausted it move) BURTER: This could be the end! RECOOME: GUUUN!! (fires an energy blast, but gets nailed in the back of the neck by Krillin) Oomph! GOHAN: Vegeta! (grabs Vegeta and avoids the blast, causing it to collide with a mountain, obliterating it) JEICE: Oh, last-second interference from Team Three Star! VEGETA: (to Gohan after being rescued by him) You idiot! I'm already one foot in the grave! You should have attacked Recoome! KRILLIN: Come on, Vegeta. We couldn't lose one of our most valuable Team Three Star members. You carry the stable! VEGETA: If there is any solace to all of this, it's that you will die along with me... RECOOME: (his mouth is all messed up from Krillin's earlier attack) Could Recoome get a mirror? He feels like he might have chipped a tooth. KRILLIN: (off-screen) Dear God, what happened to your face?! BURTER: According to the rules in reg, he's allowed to take on both of these new challengers! RECOOME: Sounds good to Recoome! Recooooome... KRILLIN: Does every move you have start with-- RECOOME: KICK! (Recoome kicks Krillin in the face, sending him sprawling as he bounces on the ground) (Krillin Owned Count: 12) KRILLIN: (while getting knocked away) GAAAAAAaaaaaahhhhh... GOHAN: (leaps over to Krillin) KRILLIN! (shows a replay of Recoome kicking Krillin) JEICE: Oh, and a devastating Recoome Kick there! Let's see that again, in slow motion! Brought to you by... Space XXXX. Space XXXX, because Space VB is piss! (replay is shown once again) RECOOME: Recooooome... KRILLIN: Does every move you have start with-- (slow motion of Recoome kicking Krillin in the face) RECOOME: (in slow motion) KICK!! (Krillin is shown getting knocked away at regular speed) KRILLIN: GAAAAAAaaaaaahhhhh.... JEICE: What a ripper! (cuts to Gohan checking on Krillin, who's immobilized by Recoome's attack) GOHAN: Krillin! KRILLIN: (in a higher pitched voice) Hello, Gohan, have you done your homework? 'Cause if you don't, Chi-Chi will KICK my ass... GOHAN: A... Are you okay? KRILLIN: (in a higher pitched voice) Yeah. Seems he threw my nervous system out of whack there... Can't quite feel the pain... (short pause) There it is... Owwww... (cuts to Guru's house) GURU: Naaaaaail! Our visitors from Earth require your assistance. You must go help them. NAIL: Lord Guru, that would leave you totally unguarded. GURU: No, I would have Dende... DENDE: Please don't leave me alone with him. GURU: He is the third strongest of our kind. NAIL: Lord Guru, there are... only three of us left... GURU: Dende, how does it feel to be the bronze medal? DENDE: Like everyone I know and love is dead. GURU: (monotone singing) Every party needs a pooper, that's why they invited you. Party pooper. Party pooper. (brief pause) NAIL: Lord Guru... GURU: WHY ARE YOU STILL HEEEEEE... (cuts back to "NAMEKIMANIA 2011" showing a replay of Recoome knocking out Krillin with a Recoome Kick) JEICE: And welcome back to the fight, ladies and gents! BURTER: Last we left, we had two new contenders! JEICE: We now have one! GOHAN: I'm not going to back down. I might be younger than you, smaller than you, weaker than you, and much less experienced, but I learned more about peach farming than you... (realizing his mistake) I think this was a horrible decision... RECOOME: Recoome agrees. (proceeds to beat up Gohan) JEICE: This fight's turning into a regular piss-kicker! BURTER: Poor kid doesn't stand a chance! JEICE: How old is he? Like, five? BURTER: Six, five-and-a-half? JEICE: But the real question is... What do the fans think? (the audience cheers loudly) GOHAN: (struggling to get up) You...you talk about who you are all the time. "Recoome" this, "Recoome" that. But... you are nothing... compared to my dad. (slowly walking up to Recoome) I... am son of Son Goku. The man who will come... and kick your... (starts charging at Reccome, with tears coming out of his eyes, only to get his neck snapped by swift kick from Recoome and falls limply to the ground) JEICE: My God... (the audience starts cheering) BURTER: That was incredible! This seems like the end, folks. Recoome looks like he’s got this one in the bag! (Recoome walks up to a nearly-dead Gohan and chuckles. Camera shows Krillin's knocked out body and then pans over Vegeta, who's too damaged to move.) JEICE: It doesn't look like there’s anyone left who can stop Recoome! (notices Goku's ship flying in from the sky) Wait... Who's that? (Goku's spaceship lands in the distance, causing a massive explosion. Camera cuts inside to Goku getting up from his seat, walking around and tying a bag of Senzu Beans on his belt, and standing in front of an opening door, all while Rick Derringer’s "Real American" song plays in the background) ENDING SEQUENCE STINGER (cuts to Captain Ginyu doing the "Daddy's Little Princess" dance) CAPTAIN GINYU: All done. FRIEZA: All right, so... you're done with all your dances? CAPTAIN GINYU: Yes, sir! FRIEZA: We can wish for my immortality now? CAPTAIN GINYU: Of course! FRIEZA: Fantastic. Now, Dragon Balls, grant my wish! Make me, Lord Frieza, immortal! (Frieza waits but nothing happens) CAPTAIN GINYU: Umm... I don't think it worked. FRIEZA: But... But why not? Those Village Elders explicitly told me there were only seven balls that I need merely to bring them together to grant my wish! So, what the hell!? CAPTAIN GINYU: Perhaps there's a password. FRIEZA: A password? But... I... killed them all... There's no one left to tell me! I've lost my wish! CAPTAIN GINYU: Might I suggest the "Dance of Cheering You Up"? FRIEZA: Ugh... Proceed... (shows a picture of Australia (or in Jecie's case, Brisbane)) JEICE: Good day! Jeice of the Ginyu Force here with a public service announcement. We've got no worries up in Space Brisbane right now, but your Brisbane’s been hit hard by floods. So, if you want to donate to the relief effort, follow the link in the description to the Queensland's Government website. Cheers, mates; every donation would be appreciated!